New job?

So I started working for this lady, babysitting her kids while she was in school and working... Then she started waiting til I got to her placeto tell me she didn't have to work that day or whatever but she had to go to a meeting or whatever and instead she would run off to meet a friend it go out of town to see a guy. Why lie about it just tell me the freaking truth and I would still watch it kids but know if I need u to watch mine or whatever you better be willing to... So I have been watching these kids since the first of january and have yet to see a paycheck. Not cool. So I'm now looking for a new job. She going to be upset but Oh well I have kids to support and bills to pay. If I was getting paid it wouldn't be so bad... hoping to find a decent job soon so I can get out of my parents basement and into my own place with my kids. I love my parents bit I don't want to live here forever!
On a better note I have been talking to someone... A really great guy for that matter.. He's all I could really ask for.. he's got a good job, got his license, a truck, likes to hunt, fish, go mudding, ect... Love it!!!! Hrd got kids of his own... If the paternity test comes back they are his... If not its ok he can claim mine as his step kids if he wants. I would make sure they don't call him dad since they have a dad that is in their lives but he could be a role model in their lives along with their dad.. Just sayin...  :) 
Ok now that he's on my mind I am going to finish this and see if he wants to hang out today... :)
Xoxo y'all!

New Year, New Beginnings!

Happy 2013!!

Well the new year is in full swing! I must say that this year is turning out much better than I expected. I went into this new year thinking that things were going to be horrible... as they have been for the last few months.. Well I can honestly say that things are starting to look up. I started a job babysitting a good friends 4 kids and I have my name in the places hiring out there so I can maybe get a second job to help out financially in my life. I have my name in a few apartment places that are based off your income and I am just waiting to hear back about them so the kids and i can get out of my moms house and out on our own.

New years was an interesting time to say the least. I was reintroduced to an old flame. Thought things were going to work out for the 2 of us since we had great chemistry in the past and on that night but because of the stupid mistakes I made in the past that hurt him things will never be OK with us. He went to jail for mistakes that he made in his life and he asked me to wait for him. Me being just out of high school was not the most patient person. I like this man a lot but I couldn't wait for him like I said I would. I have thought about this man off and on for the last 9 years. What could have been and the what ifs of it all. I met my ex-husband and the rest is history... If I had waited I would not have gotten married and my kids would not be here, so things happen for a reason, but sometimes we wish that they wouldn't have happen that way! I would not trade my kids for the world, don't get me wrong but I wish other things would have been different! :( But that is the past and there is  nothing I can do about it but move on. Which I have. I have met a wonderful man that would do anything for me or my kids if we needed him to if he had a way to. I am still guarding my heart for the most part but that comes from being hurt so much.

I went into the new year saying I would be single for a while and technically I still am, him and I have not made anything official and I wont make anything official with anyone til my divorce is final. (Another big milestone this year) But I have a feeling this man may be in my life for a long time. :) we can only hope! LOL

Well I guess I should sign off here and fix these kids some lunch!!

God Bless you all this year!!

daily rantings...

Happy Day after Christmas! :)

So the holidays for 2012 are behind us. And I must say I am glad that they are, this year was a little difficult for me because for the first time in 8 years I spent it alone. I mean I had my family and my kids beside me but I was alone in the sense that I am single. If you would have asked me a year ago or even 6 months ago if I could see myself alone this year on the holidays I would have confidently said no. I knew that we had our problems and I knew deep down that he did not love me like he used to but I never would have imagined him leaving us before the holidays.

That is besides the point tho. We did our best to make the best of it. We spent time with family, watched movies together, and just tried to have as much fun as we could.
My children understand things very well tho. They understood that they wouldn't be getting as much presents as they would like this year from mom and that mom still loves them despite of what has happened. And that has made me very great full... my kids are wise beyond their years in many things...

Despite all of this happening we had a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas. The kids spent time with their dad on his day with them and got lots of family time there as well as they did when they were home with mom.

I could be a bitter person and hate him for what has happened but then I would just be lowering my standards of things. I dont hate him for what has happened, I am sad for my children but things will be ok in due time. I know that waht happened and why it happened was for the best.

He didnt love me anymore and I am ok with that. It stung at first but deep down I knew it all along. I felt him pulling away and us drifting apart long ago. I just was trying to hold on to it for the kids sake. Things will get better for the kids and I, we just have to be patient! God has big plans for us, I just know it!

This is the end of my post, have a wonderful New Year everyone!

moving on...

So much has happened since my last blog post. Love has been lost, family has been broken apart. We have moved on...

I am sorry things ended like they did. Things were not right for a long time but Im sorry we held onto something that we knew was obviously over. We held on to this "love" for the wrong reasons. Reasons we knew were not worth holding on for. Things would have been better if we had given in a long time ago. Less heart ache, less stress. But the past is the past and all we can do know is move on.

Its going to be rough for a while, til we get into a grove on how things are going to be done and handled, but we can do this. We are 2 grown adults that  can be civil and work on things together.

I hope you have an awesome life, where ever it may lead you.

Family?

They say that family will always be there for you, no matter what.... and that family is really the only ones that will be there for you no matter what. Family are the ones that aren't supposed to judge you or make you feel worthless. Right?

Well then my family must not have gotten the memo. I mean my family will help you if it makes them look good. My little family and I have been living with my parents for just over a year, so we can get back on our feet. Its been kind of rough on all 7 of us living in a small house here but we have made it work for the most part. I mean we have all had our ups and downs and we have worked through the little things but here lately things have been horrible. Fights have been started and things have gotten out of control.

Things have gotten so bad lately that my husband has been kicked out of the house and is living with his parents. While the kids and I stay here with my family. Not the situation we would like to be in but its what we have to do for now. Now that he has been kicked out my mom thinks its ok to run her mouth and put us all down. Isn't she the one that is supposed to be behind me supporting me and my marriage? Isn't she supposed to be behind me, being there for me no matter what? Well WRONG!! she is the one that is causing the most heartache in my life, well all my family is, really. They all have been on our case about everything and I am tired of it. I am tired of the crap that has been going on and I am not going to be keeping quiet anymore.

I am not a door mat and I will not be walked all over anymore. My husband has told me time and time again, that they are using me and are just walking all over me because I let them. I kept telling myself that he was wrong and that my family would never do that to me and well he was right, they are doing that to me. I am sick of it!

Sorry for my ranting and raving like this I just have alot on my mind and needed somewhere to put it.

wide awake, can not sleep... tears fall down, heartache fills my soul... the walls are caving in. where am i to go, where am i to turn to? someone out there help me?!

Divorce?

So I had to choose a topic that I feel strongly about and a probable solution to that topic and I chose to write about divorce. I am strongly against it. If you have gone through it, are going through it, or are thinking about going through it read this and then think about it again. I can not change your mind if it is definitely made up but there is still some sort of hope right?!?!


Proposing a Solution for Divorce

The foundation of society, Marriage and the family is growing weaker, with fewer adults getting married and more adults leaving in divorce. Plus more and more adults are choosing single parenthood or cohabitation instead of marriage. There are many reasons people in today’s society choose to get divorced, in this paper I will list the top 10 reasons. I will also be telling you about the effects that it has on children and the statistics of divorce. Lastly I will be telling you what I think would be the proper solutions to lower the divorce rates.

            I was thinking about divorce the other day, since so many of the people around me have either considered divorce or have gotten divorce, and it made me wonder what the top reason people get divorced for. Well here is a list of the top 10 reasons. The top reason marriages end up in divorce is because of the lack of communication, married couples are a team. As with any other well-oiled team you cannot strive without communication. Without communication you don’t know what the other person is thinking or feeling and you don’t know if you are doing things right at all. Reason number two, Money. Money is the root of all evil (I Timothy 6:10). Whether you are the money maker of the family or not or you share the responsibility it is one of the leading causes of divorce. One spouse could be spending money and not telling the other one or one spouse may have lost their job and it is causing financial strain on the marriage. Either way if you don’t come to an agreement on how money is to be made and spent then there is bound to be problems. Reason number three, cheating or infidelity. In reality it doesn’t matter who, when, how long or why it happened, it happened, infidelity is causes pain and suffering to those who are involved. There is nothing we can do to change that. The only thing we can do is to decide whether we are strong enough to trust that they will never do it again and to forgive them. In Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9 that other that the event of infidelity, divorce is forbidden. Reason number 4, wrong expectations. We as people love our other half. We love them unconditionally from the moment we fall in love with them. We tend to look past their faults because we are in love with them. In doing so we have a hard time dealing with those faults after marriage because we did not address them from the start of the relationship, we didn’t realize what we were going to have to deal with as a married couple. Don’t let those faults stop you from loving the person you are married to, use those faults to realize that no one, not even yourself is perfect and that you can work through this as if you would with anything else.  Reason number five, commitment. Marriage is a partnership between two people that love each other and it takes both parties to make it work. If one spouse is unwilling to do what it takes to make it work then the marriage will fail. Reason number six, addictions. Alcohol, sex, drugs, gambling, these are just a few of the addictions that could ruin a marriage. Once an addiction takes over, a persons life will most likely end up in turmoil as will their marriage. If you sense that you or your spouse is struggling with an addiction seek support and/or counseling, it might be the thing you need to help save your marriage. Reason number seven, Sex or the lack thereof. Problems in this area of the marriage can add added stress on the marriage causing other things to get out of hand and in turn lead to divorce. If you feel that you and your spouse are having problems in this area of your marriage you can seek counseling.  Reason number eight, mid-life crisis. The need for a big change in your life, such as, a new job, change of scenery, etc. can cause much turmoil in a marriage.  Reason number nine, the little things. Things such as the lack of sex, or the fact that your husband snores so loud that it keeps you awake at night can cause stress. These things could be the breaking point in a marriage, especially if you have been holding in the fact that there is something larger in your marriage that is bothering you. These little things could be the things that make you breakdown and confess the real problems. Reason number ten, Society. Society today thinks that Divorce is easy. In a sense it is. It is the easy way out of things. Instead of dealing with the issues at hand, society decides that they are going to divorce their spouses and forget the issues instead of dealing with them head on.

            Did you know that 1 out of 2 marriages end up in a divorce? And did you know that 50% of all American children will witness their parents’ divorce and that most of them will experience this before they reach the age of 18? Every year 1 million children suffer from the divorce of their parents. Couples contemplating divorce or that have gotten divorced often don’t think of the children that are going to be involved in the divorce and how they are going to be effected. Today, children of divorce are 3 times more likely to have behavioral and emotional problem than they would if their parents had stayed together. Children of divorced parents are often more likely to become a teen parent, and 40% of all children of divorce are being raised without a father. Children of divorced parents go through so much and react in many different ways. Some of those ways are through denial, if they don’t think about it or believe it then it isn’t true, anger and hostility towards themselves, their parents and other siblings as well as other people around them. Depression and immaturity are other ways that they react, some think that if they revert to earlier stages of their lives they will feel the love and assurance of their parents love again. They react in blaming themselves for the divorce, feeling like they are the reason that their parents split up.

What is the solution to divorce? No one really knows at this point but there are many good ideas out there. There are a few of them that stood out to me and I am going to tell you about them. One thing that I think might work is Covenant Marriages. Entering into a covenant marriage is simply saying that they vow to live together as husband and wife so long as they both live. That they have gone through pre-marital counseling and are clear on anything that may cause them to want to end the marriage and are ready to commit to one another for the rest of their lives. They commit to seeking professional marital help if the need arises. The only way that this marriage could be dissolved is if infidelity, imprisonment or abandonment has occurred.

Another solution that I think might work to decrease the divorce rate is to require pre-marital counseling and education of all couples that want to get married. The required counseling and education would contain areas of financial planning, parenting, the negative consequences and legalities of divorce and conflict resolution. They would also cover things like the responsibilities and commitment that are needed to make a marriage work. In the end this may discourage many couples from getting married but at least they found out before tying the knot that they are not ready for a lifelong commitment to each other and they weren’t ready for the responsibility of marriage. 



Hope that this helps those of you out there that are not divorced... :) Just my opinion, comments and questions are encouraged. :)